


Sleepless

by Voido



Category: Persona 5
Genre: "too tired to fall asleep", Fireflies, M/M, Semi-prompt, catch me crying about my babies, didn't work out as intended, i want to write a whole fic about the interrogation alone, that's it that was the idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 11:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14331249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voido/pseuds/Voido
Summary: The velvet room alone has been reason enough for Akira to hate going to bed, and how persistent Morgana is about telling him to. But the nightmares get worse, and finally, he can't take it anymore.Luckily, he isn't alone, and he'll never be again.





	Sleepless

**Author's Note:**

> This so isn't what I intended for this.  
> The idea was to make Akira slightly insomniac for _WHATEVER_ reason and mentioning fireflies at some point (because of the song and the specific lyric), but I guess I can't ever not make my boys suffer, now can I.  
>  This is the first time in FOREVER that I wrote in present tense, and I'm sure there's some grammatical errors. >_> I'll check that later, sorry. ;~;  
> Also I didn't put it in my collection because the mood is so different and uh I kinda wanna keep it "fluffy happy" there. The archive warning is for extra safety for the dream/memory stuff.  
>  ~~I want to write a whole fic about the FOUR OR SO DOSES of drugs Akira gets according to the anime?!?!~~  
>  Enjoy!

In the silence of the clear moon-lit night, Akira gets up from his bed carefully, daring another long look at Morgana sleeping tightly. The cat purrs, breath even, curled up into a fluffy, comfortable ball. Part of Akira wishes to climb back into the bed and embrace the warmth, the feeling of not having to be alone.

But going back means most likely falling back asleep, and that means more than just one horrible thing that he can imagine.

At first, it's only been the velvet room. The transition from being awake to getting up in that semi-reality is always way too fluid, as if he's being torn into a projection rather than sleep. And that is most likely true, for Igor has more than once explained to him that the velvet room exists somewhere between reality and dreams – a place that Akira wishes greatly he weren't forced to enter.

As of lately, though, his visits to the blue-tinted prison have been scarce, comparatively rare to the other things he finds himself forced to face whenever he puts his phone on the nightstand and closes his eyes. He's been seeing many things since becoming a Phantom Thief, both good and bad ones almost equally, but in the past weeks, a very specific dream has taken over almost every time.

_A kick to the stomach. A rough grip on his hair._

_The first shot._

_A foot on his face. Someone grabbing his chin and spitting right in his eyes._

_The second shot._

_Hot tears going free, the sensation leaving him unable to keep his emotions or actions under control. The numbing feeling of being out of his body. Wanting to run, but still being pressed to the ground._

_The third shot._

_Being tied to a chair, a brute-looking man towering over him, smug grin on his face and the next dose readily waiting in his hands. Another kick that sends him flying, spitting blood and coughing hard._

_The fourth shot, hardly noticeable at this point. The pain in his neck is nothing compared to being pressed unto the table face-first._

_The longing looks, begging to be able to get the best out of him. Thirsty hands touching him, faint voices asking if he wants another in order to speak._

Up to this day, Akira hasn't found out, relived what he answered back then. It always cuts forward right there, to the point where he's sitting in the room on his own, begging for Sae to come back, putting all his faith in his teammates and the desperate wish for it not to be Akechi who walks through the door next.

He's out of Leblanc without giving the cafe even a single look, unlocking his bike and making his way somewhere he hasn't yet quite figured out. Anything to keep him busy, anything to keep his mind from small, sticky, dark rooms. Anything to make him feel free and secure.

Only when he reaches Inokashira, entirely exhausted from the endless drive, he stops for a while. His phone's buzzing has gone unnoticed by him thus far, and he immediately regrets his choice just a little bit. Maybe telling Morgana that he isn't feeling like sleeping these days would have been the easier choice, for he really doesn't intend on his friends to worry.

There's three messages from Futaba, two in the group chat and so many from Ryuji that the chat-app only displays them as _9+_. The guilt in Akira increases, and he reluctantly decides to check Futaba's first.

 

_**From: Sakura Futaba** _

_02:13: Akiraaa, where are you??_

_02:13: Morgana came over all worried, so I'm tracking your phone. Don't be mad, yeah?_

_02:52: Sorry, but I had to tell the others! Please tell me you're fine!_

 

Looking at the time, he realizes it's already 3:26 by now. He knew it would take a while to get here, but time sure has gone by fast. Sighing , he checks the group chat, surprised to find that both messages are from Futaba as well, and that they don't really make much sense.

 

_**Learns C++ for fun (2:51):** Guys! Does aaaanyone know why Akira is somewhere close to Shibuya in the middle of the night? Mona and I are going nuts, and he's not replying!!_

_**Learns C++ for fun (2:54):** Ugh, false alarm. Should've known. IDIOTS!!!_

 

False alarm? Idiots? Nothing makes sense to Akira, not the fact that Futaba takes her statement back – because really, there's no reason to; he still is out here, close to Shibuya in an empty, lonely park, and she _knows_ that. But also the fact that she's referring to both him _and_ someone else as idiots has him more than confused.

He decides to check the other messages instead, a soft smile creeping up on his lips when he dares to lean back into the cold, thin grass beneath himself. He's freezing, and the spot he chose is lit-up so well that it makes him feel like he's just facing some sort of higher entity's welcome, but he doesn't care. Anything is better than being in that dark, smelly room. Anything is better than being touched by strangers. Really, all he wants is a little peace.

 

_**From: Sakamoto Ryuji** _

_02:51: Dude, WHAT_

_02:52: Shit, I got ya, wait._

_02:53: Sometimes, you're fuckin' reckless as shit, ya know that._

_02:56: Ya still there, right?_

_02:56: I'ma kick ya goddamn ass if I don't find ya._

_02:57: Akira, bro, you better be livin'!_

_02:59: You're so gettin' the hurt, man._

_03:15: I swear to fuckin' God if you're not in this stupid park I'ma scream!_

_03:16: So loud that ya will hear it where-fuckin-ever you are!!_

 

Before he can manage to read more of the messages – and there are plenty left, for this is Ryuji, and _damn_ , can he be pushy when it comes to that – Akira notices a shadow forming over himself, flinches, jumps forward, trips, barely catches himself and takes a defensive stance, ready to fight if needed.

“Thanks for readin' them after all, dude.”

“Ryuji!”

His breath is going unsteadily, and he curses himself for failing to notice the footsteps or any of the other possible indicators of someone getting close to him. It's a miracle that it's his best friend, his posture worse than usually, covered in a huge, unbuttoned coat, his fluffy lavender-colored sweatshirt-jacket peeking out. He's quite obviously freezing, and if his attire doesn't prove that, then the way he hugs himself with one arm and pouts surely does.

“Ye, it me. Damn, Futaba would'a killed me…”

“If?”

“Well, d'uh! I know that goddamn cat ain't givin' ya a second to breathe, and when Futaba said you're somewhere close to Shibuya, I knew you'd be here so, uh…I, I just said I'm with ya, and that you're fine. I-it doesn't need a genius to notice how stressed ya been lately, y'know! I was just thinkin' that…uh…maybe you wanna talk about it. I-if not, that's fine, though!”

“I…”

He thinks about it, even if just for a moment, and finds himself needing to take a deep breath in order not to tear up. All these terrible nights over the course of the last weeks – and even longer, thinking about it; he kept them all to himself, because he knows that his friends have enough to deal with already. This isn't easy for any of them, and he's their leader – he needs to be strong for them, not the other way around.

But the way Ryuji bites his lips, his posture worrying because he's cold, but still welcoming because he never tears his eyes away…it makes Akira believe that he doesn't need to be alone, surrounded by a never-ending silence and emptiness in order to be free.

“I'm just…tired.”

He lets himself drop back into the grass, leaning in immediately when Ryuji sits next to him. It's still cold, but Akira refuses the offer to take the coat, for he knows that even with it, Ryuji is freezing worse.

“Yeah, bet. I know I keep sayin' how jealous I am, but I guess it ain't that simply. At least school gives me less time to think about shit, right.”

“It's…not that. I think I'm fine during the day, at least most of it, but…”

He wraps both arms about his bent legs and rests his chin on his knees. The faint breeze around them sends soft waves over the lake to their feet, and he finds himself appreciating in the way the moon illuminates the water. It's pretty, and it feels carefree. Like a sanctuary.

Then he looks to the side, loses himself in the warm, hazel eyes focusing on him, and that's when he realizes that maybe it's not the moon or the water or the breeze, or the grass or the cold, clean air engulfing them.

Maybe the reason he can breathe again isn't that he got out of his attic, but that he is so far away from everything and anything, with no one there but Ryuji.

“I'm tired of trying to sleep. It's always…it's always either a dream I can't even explain, or I find myself reliving that night.”

Akira swallows shakily and looks back to the water, letting his head drop to the side, his tense muscles finally easing a bit. He isn't alone like he hoped for, but instead in good company. He isn't free by running away; he's free by staying right here. He's safe.

“There anythin' I can do?”

“Mhm.”

He keeps the answer to himself, even when Ryuji makes a questioning sound, even when he nudges his side casually. It's nothing physical that he could really do, after all. All Akira wants is for things to stay like this, to have someone he can lean on without explaining himself, to be able to not be strong just this once.

They stay like this, and they never bring the interrogation back up. Akira starts mumbling about the lake, Ryuji fishes a firefly out of his messy hair, commenting on how _even those things are just attracted to ya, dude._ Eventually, they drop back into the grass, and Ryuji insists on covering them both with his coat, explaining how he actually brought it because he feared Akira had come here in a shirt in some sort of kneejerk reaction.

When they finally sit back up, the moon has long since made room for the sun to rise. It reminds Akira of a dream he once had about mountain climbing with Ryuji and them watching the sunrise together afterwards. He smiles at the memory – it was back when they hadn't yet known each other well, back when he hadn't even understood how true being so close would be for them one day.

“You should head back home before school, Ryuji.”

In all honesty, Akira doesn't try hard to sound scolding, or even just as if he actually _wants_ Ryuji to leave him. He's too tired to try, he wants for them to stay like this, to never go home and face reality again. He wants to ignore the fact that there is a life outside of the perfect bubble that engulfed them all night, and he wants Ryuji to feel the same way.

Unsurprisingly, he does.

“Eh, ain't givin' a fuck today, man.”

“It's important. They're giving you enough of a hard time.”

“Exactly!”

Suddenly, he jumps up quite energetically, reaches out with the hugest grin on his face and helps Akira to his feet as well, but never lets go of his hand.

“They suck anyways, but you…you're way more important than that shit, dude.”

Ryuji squeezes his hand and pulls him into a hug, and Akira swears it's the only reason he stops holding back the tears. His hands shakily grab into the way too soft lavender fabric, his face fits way too perfectly into the crook of Ryuji's neck.

“I don't deserve you,” Akira shyly mumbles, although he doesn't know if _anyone_ does.

“Bullshit. Let's go home, dude.”

And he nods, accepts the coat this time and lets Ryuji lead the way without questioning where they're going, as it doesn't matter.

He knows, and he promises that he'll never forget again. As long as he remembers this, everything they share, he always has a place to be, no matter how hard things are.

_Home is where you are._

**Author's Note:**

> I'll eat a broom if Futaba doesn't learn C++ for fun.


End file.
